Dr. Ansgar Cheng is a dental specialist in private practice and an Adjunct Professor at the Faculty of Dentistry for both the National University of Singapore and the University of Hong Kong. He is also an avid marathoner. Ansgar was first exposed to ADHD when his daughter was diagnosed in late 2018. A year after that, his wife was diagnosed. As time passes, his learning about ADHD has been evolving. He is supportive of his family members with ADHD.
When did your family member/loved one get diagnosed?
My daughter and my wife were diagnosed shortly one after the other back in 2018 and 2019, with my daughter diagnosed first. As my wife spent time to learn more about ADHD to support our daughter, she realized there was a genetic link. She was facing a lot of stress at that time and also decided to go for a diagnosis herself to see if it would help her to manage life better.
They both have different presentations of ADHD – my daughter is more attention deficit while my wife is more hyperactive-impulsive.
What do you think are their greatest ADHD strengths?
Both of them know a lot of things and have exhibited hyperfocus at various situations! They have a broad range of knowledge & interests, probably a result of their very active minds.
It can be quite fun as our conversations cover so many different topics each time. Of course, there are also moments of frustration when my daughter’s attention wanders, or my wife changes topics or feels the need to move around after sitting for some time.
How would you advise those supporting an ADHDer?
While the ADHDers in my life have active minds, at times they can be rather delicate. Give them a lot of tender loving care … and space!
My wife has told me that sometimes, showing support means leaving her alone, rather than reminding her to do things. I have also realized that when she does not reply my messages immediately, it is not because she does not care but because she can get overwhelmed with all the things she is working on.
Most people are neurotypical (regular brain wiring), so understanding how a neurodivergent (e.g. ADHD) mind works is fundamental. No two ADHDers are the same – thus it is important to try to learn the nature of ADHD and work with their individual strengths.
My wife and daughter have a different way of doing things which may not be the same way that I would approach things. In the past, we would have arguments on the “right” way, but over time, as long as the overall goal is still aligned, I am learning to let them find their own approach. It makes for a more peaceful home and we all get to the destination in the end.
What is one of your biggest learnings about ADHD on this journey?
There is no such thing as a ‘typical’ person – we are all a lot more different than I thought. It is easy to focus on the differences and feel the frustration or have other negative emotions. However this is not healthy in the long run and will affect family relationships.
I try to remind myself that affirmations work better than criticisms. To look at the strengths and the positives of the individual and approach from another perspective.
Ultimately, it is to harness the strengths and work with a practical mindset. Focus on getting the job done, not the individual’s identity or character aspects – it makes things more rational and less personal (which can get emotional).
Complete this sentence: ADHD is……
ADHD is something we all have a touch in us, it can be a blessing when used well.
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