Turning Limits into Possibilities
Carrie Tan is a transformation and leadership coach, community leader, and former Member of Parliament (MP). Founder of the charity Daughters of Tomorrow, she has dedicated her career to empowering women, alleviating poverty, and shaping policy. Today she runs a coaching practice. She is also preparing for a book launch, and is incubating a start-up platform for holistic healing practitioners. Known for her empathy and presence, she champions a kinder, more inclusive society.
Quotes
“I want the world to see people with ADHD as having talents, abilities, and gifts waiting to be discovered and valued.”
“I thrive when juggling multiple projects, connecting the dots, and spotting patterns others might miss.”
Discovering ADHD
Hearing others share their ADHD diagnoses was an eye-opener. I realised that it was a lot more common than we think it is. And that many of us were high-achieving, and seemed “normal” by conventional standards.
When I tried a focus-tracking game for the elderly at a technology fair, I realised I was hopeless at it — and I’m not even elderly. Suddenly, so many moments made sense: my struggles to absorb information during long Parliamentary speeches; my need for active engagement to stay present, and being easily bored without enough stimulation.
I realised that ADHD isn’t an inability to contribute. I want the world to see people with ADHD as having talents, abilities, and gifts waiting to be discovered and valued.
With the right coping strategies, we can perform well in our own ways. I’ve lived this truth as a charity founder, a Member of Parliament, and now as a coach. Taking action, mobilising others, and creating change is where I thrive.
I thrive when juggling multiple projects, connecting the dots, and spotting patterns others might miss. Perhaps, the complexity of challenges as a social entrepreneur and changemaker is stimulating and motivating for me.
Breaking Limits — Outside and In
Growing up in a traditional family, I felt conflicted when the things I was told I couldn’t do clashed with what my alma mater, Raffles Girls School, told us we could be. It was confusing being seen as smart and capable, yet “not having focus and perseverance” as a child growing up.
In recent years, I’ve learnt that the biggest limits are often inside us. The subconscious beliefs and conditioning that shape our sense of what’s possible. My coaching work now focuses on helping others dismantle them, having broken free from many false limits internalised and conditioned within me from my experiences growing up.
Finding My Flow
Structure helps me focus. I use alarms and timers to keep track of time, so I don’t lose myself in the moment and miss appointments. For deep work, I seek environments that are conducive and relaxing for me – usually a café with the right mix of buzz and quiet.
When I need to listen for long periods or digest heavy materials, I use toys or objects to fiddle with.
Turning “Deficit” into Depth
I’ve always been tuned into the emotions of those around me. Some call it being an “empath”, but for me, it’s having the additional sensitivity towards others’ feelings, and having a strong desire to alleviate someone’s suffering.
One of my biggest strengths is my ability to hold space and presence in coaching. It might sound counter-intuitive since I have an “attention-deficit”. When I am in session, all my senses lock in. I get into this zone of full attention and presence for the person in front of me.
Permission to Be Real
To my younger self, I would say: It’s okay to explain what you need to thrive. Most of us are hesitant to be our true selves and of being judged or seen as “misfits”, so we mask our true selves to fit in. But sharing openly, “I’m not being rude, I just need to keep my hands busy to listen better,” not only helps others understand, it creates possibility and safety for others to share their needs too. That’s how we build a kinder, more inclusive society.
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