Reframing ADHD as a Strategic Edge
Dr Perpetua Neo is a psychologist and executive coach to high performers, working between Singapore and London. In her late 20s she discovered her cycles of fatigue, restlessness, and hyperfocus were signs of ADHD, a realisation that reshaped her life. Today, she coaches leaders, founders, and clinicians to protect energy, honour their wiring, and thrive — reframing ADHD as both a challenge to be understood and a strategic edge to be embraced.
Quotes
“When your phone loses charge, you don’t call it lazy — you plug it in. You clear the tabs. You protect its energy. You charge it before it crashes.”
Until you learn how to protect your energy, structure your life, and honour your brilliance, you’re playing a losing game.”
“Every day your habits, self-talk and mindset compound– only you can decide which direction that compounding takes. You can rig the game and stack the cards in your favour.”
Early Awareness
Growing up, I loved learning. I’d ask my mum to enrol me in every class imaginable– ballet, computer, art, piano. I had two clever older cousins that set the template that excellence was the only logical and emotional option. I designed systems that worked for me — but I also bulldozed through everything with willpower. I believed that ambition could conquer anything. And for a while, it did.
For years, I mistook fatigue for laziness and believed that missing basics or needing lists meant I had failed as a human being. I turned up for interviews with blazingly high fevers and aced them. Same with my exams. To me, exhaustion was something to conquer, not understand. And so, I pushed. And pushed.
It took me 37 years to see I wasn’t lazy. I was neurodivergent, running a system no one had taught me to decode. And it took me many years to understand that I did not have to perform ADHD despite people challenging me “You don’t look ADHD”. There is no ADHD look, just like I tell my ASD clients, they don’t have to look like Rainman to be believed.
When someone tells you, you make it look easy, simply remember, fire-eaters make it look like magick but no one sees how many times they suffered third-degree burns.
Being Different and Not Trusting Myself
In Singapore, difference is often seen as defiance. That belief went bone deep. But instead of trusting that feeling, I self-cannibalised. If I couldn’t get six months of laundry done, or left money at the ATM, or had 6000 unread emails—who was I to respect the part of me that could produce 16 hours of creative work in a single stretch, or stay cool under pressure, or connect deeply with people others overlooked?
I couldn’t see the brilliance because I was ashamed of the basics. And I couldn’t see it, despite the Oxbridge education and doctorate. All I saw was the person who couldn’t get the basics sorted, the one who got stuck in her clothes or wore them inside-out, the loser who had subzero sense of direction despite going to the same place hundreds of times.
It didn’t help that I was bullied relentlessly for those, till I became my biggest bully. I believed, I’d failed as a human being.
ADHD isn’t just about distractibility or hyperactivity. It’s a full-body, full-spirit experience. And if you don’t understand the wiring, it can feel like you’re beyond broken. Irreparable.
When you don’t trust yourself, you outsource authority. You second-guess your own intuition. You defer to others because you think they know better. That’s how predators find you. People with narcissistic, psychopathic, and manipulative traits often see neurodivergents as ideal prey. We’re overempathic. We over function. We over fix and over forgive. And because we’ve made mistakes before, we give others the benefit of the doubt—even when it costs us everything.
I learned to double down on boundaries, especially the ones I drew with my inner critic. I walked away from those who relentlessly insulted me to feel bigger and stopped convincing myself they are doing it for my own good.
Strategies for Energy and Focus
One of the most powerful metaphors I use today is the battery. When your phone loses charge, you don’t call it lazy — you plug it in. You clear the tabs. You protect its energy. You charge it before it crashes.
For years, I shamed myself for needing rest, for being sensitive to mess, noise, or social demands. For the lag between knowing something and being able to do it. That’s not failure. That’s system lag. That’s your brain asking for support.
Today, I teach leaders, clinicians, and founders how to recognise the difference between mental and physical energy. I teach them how to stop energy leaks, how to honour their flow cycles, and how to build systems that don’t collapse under pressure.
Because you can’t shame a battery into charging. You must care for it and understand how it works. Because we are living longer and longer, we need our bodies and brains to last us.
I refuse to be an AppleOS pretending to be Android. I refuse to leak energy anymore. Instead, I commit to mastering my energy.
Strengths and Achievements
For a long time since, my inbox has been clear. My laundry gets done. My money is safe. Not because I’ve “fixed” myself. But because I finally respected my wiring enough to build systems that work for me—not against me. I’ve also rebuilt myself from illness, grief, and burnout.
Hyperfocus has been a superpower. It allowed me to write my book in five days and complete dissertations ahead of time. I’ve spoken at prestigious universities and for top global companies, advising on neurodiversity, trauma, and high performance. I coach senior leaders, founders, Olympians, and elite military personnel — many of whom never knew they were neurodivergent because they built coping mechanisms from poverty or family background. Helping them reclaim brilliance and architect new lives is deeply meaningful.
I teach neurodiverse people– you will procrastinate anyway, so you might as well enjoy your procrastination instead of guilt-trip yourself through it and have a crappy time. ADHD didn’t disappear. I just stopped letting it drive the Maserati.
Advice to My Younger Self
ADHD is hard—until you understand that your brain isn’t defective. It’s just different. You might be wired for genius, sensitivity, or insight. You might be a future leader, healer, or innovator. But until you learn how to protect your energy, structure your life, and honour your brilliance, you’re playing a losing game.
You are not broken. You are a system waiting to be understood. And once you understand it—you command it.
Compound interest is the 8th world wonder, and neuroplasticity the 9th. Everyday your habits, self-talk and mindset compound– only you can decide which direction that compounding takes. You can rig the game and stack the cards in your favour.
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