Guiding Others While Finding Myself
Vivian Ong is a registered educational psychologist and the founder of feelosophers, a practice supporting children, youths, and families. She only discovered she had ADHD after recognising herself in the neurodivergent clients she worked with. As a proud ADHDer, she uses her lived experience to empower others navigating the same path. Vivian also shares how understanding her ADHD has helped her rebuild stronger relationships with her family, friends, and herself.
Quotes
“The most powerful tool I use is self-awareness. I constantly ask: “What is hard for my brain right now? What do I need to do to help myself?”
“Opening up about my ADHD has been liberating. It allows me to use my experience to empower others and remind them they are not alone. I know how lonely this journey can be, and I want to provide the support that I did not have in the past.”
Early Awareness
ADHD showed up in many aspects of my life since I was a child, but it wasn’t until I began working closely with neurodivergent children and youths that I started to see myself in them. The way they processed the world, responded to tasks, or regulated emotions felt strikingly familiar.
As I opened up about these observations, my colleagues and supervisor, many of whom were neuro-affirming, gently shared their insights about me, which aligned with common ADHD traits. That was the first time I seriously considered that I might have ADHD myself.
Challenges Growing Up
Undiagnosed ADHD made school an uphill battle. I was constantly fidgeting and reprimanded for it, easily distracted, and quick to forget information or instructions. Friends and adults often described me as “crazy” or said “something is wrong with you” whenever I was hyperactive or impulsive. By secondary school, I learned to mask intensely just to appear acceptable.
At home, I was scolded for time blindness, forgetfulness, and disorganisation. This left me feeling unheard and unseen. Friendships were also fragile because of my emotional sensitivity, while at work I battled anxiety and second-guessed myself constantly. Before I understood my neurodivergence, I internalised all the negative feedback and labels.
Turning Points and Growth
The turning point came when I was officially diagnosed. Learning about ADHD gave me the language to describe my experiences and the tools to support myself. I began to understand how my brain works and developed “brain hacks” to manage tasks that didn’t come naturally. Most importantly, I stopped seeing myself as broken.
I came to see that my brain simply processes the world differently. This is neurodiversity. I am not flawed or crazy. I am a neurodivergent person with both challenges and strengths, just like anyone else.
My diagnosis also transformed my family relationships. By helping them understand how my brain works, they began to recognise their own neurodivergence. Today, I have a supportive family who accepts me. Friendships too have changed. I now surround myself with people who embrace me fully for who I am. I’ve found my people who love me for me, ADHD and all.
Strategies for Daily Life
The most powerful tool I use is self-awareness. I constantly ask: “What is hard for my brain right now? What do I need to do to help myself?”
For organisation, I rely heavily on Google Calendar with multiple alerts. For psychological reports, I use checklists, Grammarly, and peer proofreaders, while also seeking regular clinical supervision. I take ADHD medication as needed.
To manage time blindness, I use timers and always buffer at least 25% more time than I think I need. For task initiation, I schedule high-interest or low-effort tasks first to build momentum before tackling more demanding work.
Pride and Purpose
I’m proudest of being both an Educational Psychologist and a neurodivergent clinician. Someone once asked, “If you have ADHD, how can you help other neurodivergents?” My answer is: “Of course I can! In fact, my lived experience makes me an even better person to support other neurodivergents.”
My passion keeps me going, even when the administrative parts get tough. Opening up about my ADHD, encouraged by Moonlake Lee from Unlocking ADHD, has been liberating. It allows me to use my experience to empower others and remind them they are not alone. I know how lonely this journey can be, and I want to provide the support that I did not have in the past.
Reflections
To my younger self, I would say: I’m sorry you didn’t have the people you needed to help you understand your wonderfully colourful, creative, and unique brain. Everything you’re going through is shaping you to become the support and safe space for others. Thank you for your resilience. You are more than enough.
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