Embracing ADHD, Empowering Others
Clinical psychologist, Dr. Ong Mian Li, is passionate about advancing mental health in healthcare, business, and education. He co-founded Helping Give Away Psychological Science (HGAPS), a nonprofit that shares research freely in partnership with universities such as UCLA and Harvard. He received an American Psychological Association Presidential Citation for his work in this space. The most transformative part of his journey is what he has come to accept personally: His ADHD diagnosis as an adult.
Quotes
“ADHD is like the Mass Rapid Transit (MRT): sometimes it breaks down, speeds up, or misses a stop. But if you understand the system, you will still reach your destination. And along the way, the plot twists can make the journey even more meaningful.”
“The ADHD diagnosis gave me something different: Clarity. It was like discovering that Electronic Road Pricing (ERP) gantries existed in Singapore: Once you know where they are, you can plan ahead and sometimes even avoid the tolls.”
A Late Diagnosis
I always knew ADHD existed in adults. But the culture I grew up in made it hard to see it in myself. The message was simple: “Just work harder.” Achievement wasn’t just encouraged: it was expected. Falling behind meant you weren’t disciplined enough.
And I understand why. For our forefathers, achievement was survival. A good education and stable career meant security, food on the table, and a chance of a better life. That drive was an act of love, a way of protecting the next generation from hunger and hardship. It deserves respect.
But for me, that same focus on achievement also became a blindfold. I kept pushing harder, running a lonely marathon uphill, in the rain, without an umbrella. Even while pursuing a PhD in the United States, I looked outwardly capable but inwardly was burning through every ounce of energy and social capital I had.
Clarity and Compassion
The ADHD diagnosis gave me something different: Clarity. It was like discovering that Electronic Road Pricing (ERP) gantries existed in Singapore: Once you know where they are, you can plan ahead and sometimes even avoid the tolls.
For the first time, I began to stop blaming myself and started designing with ADHD in mind. Chunking tasks into smaller steps, setting reminders, and adding novelty gave me breathing space. Being okay with “missing deadlines” and following my vibe. More importantly, I realized that life is not about achievement. It is about living truthfully to who I am — achievement is just one of the many compasses to keep me aligned towards my truth.
This clarity reshaped my relationship with my partner. She adapted thoughtfully to my rhythms, and I, in turn, became more deliberate in supporting her. ADHD became not just my journey, but ours. I am so grateful for that.
The Gifts ADHD Brings
ADHD brings creativity, hyperfocus, and—what I now see as its greatest gift—finely tuned emotional sensitivity. This sensitivity can feel overwhelming, but it is also a superpower. I often liken it to Elsa in Frozen. Her powers could isolate her, but they also had the potential to create beauty and wonder. ADHD sensitivity is much the same: a force that can build empathy, connection, and meaning. And it’s equally valid to rest and choose not to wield it at all.
In therapy, this sensitivity allows me to connect with clients, especially neurodivergent individuals, in ways that help them feel deeply understood. That sense of recognition is one of the most important gifts ADHD has given me as a clinical psychologist.
Living With ADHD in Singapore
Managing ADHD in fast-paced Singapore requires both structure and flexibility. I set routines but leave buffers. Too much rigidity stifles my novelty-seeking brain. I break projects into what I jokingly call “Chicken McNugget-sized” tasks, rewarding myself along the way with praise (I call them “self high-fives”!). And I try to move my body daily: even if the day is full, you’ll (hopefully!) find me walking along the Park Connector Network.
What I’d Tell My Younger Self
If I could speak to my younger self, I’d say this: Take a breath. Stop berating yourself for imperfect grades or missed milestones. Stop living life just to please your parents. Your worth is not defined only by the “Singapore dream” of straight As and a perfect career. Those were goals intended by our forefathers to keep us safe, which is important – but safety is not the same as truth.
Don’t wait until the finish line to celebrate. Reward yourself along the way. ADHD is like the Mass Rapid Transit (MRT): sometimes it breaks down, speeds up, or misses a stop. But if you understand the system, you will still reach your destination. And along the way, the plot twists can make the journey even more meaningful.
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